The sludge

A few weeks ago, after we opened our swimming pool, we realized that no matter how much shock, chlorine, baking soda or WHATEVER we did, this pool looked as though at any minute  the creature from the black ( or shall I say green ) lagoon was going to come slithering out.   The water was thick,  heavy,  filthy,  dirty and downright disgusting.  I braced myself for the unpleasant task of draining the entire pool, and getting to the bottom of whatever was causing this swamp land that was once our swimming pool. 

It was a hot humid day, I sent Zach and Ron off on their way and armed with my ipod, I went out and began the draining process.  I sat on the edge of the deck mesmorized by the pump sucking up all the water and watching it drain in all of it's filth into the grass on the side of the pool.  As I watched the pump suck up the water I couldn't help but notice  that the water in that pool was very symbolic of how my mind and my brain had been feeling as of late.  Weighed down with sludge, bad feelings, feelings of fear and jealousy and scarcity and lack and regret and pity, and I imagined that is what these feelings would  look like if you can see them.  I heard the drain gurgling to try to suck it all up but sometimes the sludge was just too much for it and I would have to reposition the drain and the hose in order to get the best suction and get rid of this wasteland that had built up.  Again I thought about my mind.  I got in the pool knee deep in gunk and started sweeping all of the crap into the pump.  I admit it was very therapeutic watching the black dirty water get sucked up and drained.  My mind was very much like this pool.  I had been sweeping the sludge from one end of my brain  to the other, I had been throwing chemicals into the sludge hoping that it  would disappear.  It became very clear to me that you can throw all of the chemicals you want into your brain but the only way to get rid of the sludge once and for all is to drain it and pour in  fresh water.  Disguising  it, hiding  it or trying  to cover it up with pretty smelling chemicals  only mask what is really underneath.   You have to get in there, knee deep and feel it.  I mean really feel it.  You need to visualize what these dark negative feelings look like and how they affect your "pool"  I symbolically thought to empty out the entire contents of my mind and watch the grime flow through the hose and back into the ground where it can be purifyed by nature.  The mind can be emptied by sweet bouts of surrender and meditation and being humble enough to admit that when your pool gets dirty or clogged, there is no easy fix.  Once the pool was empty, I sat back  and  admired how blank and fresh and clean and pure it looked.  I hooked up the hose and watched as clear clean water started to slowly flow into the big empty space.  What garbage was polluting MY pool?   This mundane task that I dreaded so much at first, started my wheels turning.  It was more than just draining the pool, something else was happening.