A New World

So here I was thrown into  this new world that I knew nothing about, my brain switched and turned constantly from being positive and I am going to beat this, to helpless, hopeless despair.  These emotions switched hourly.  Back then way back in 1997 there were not too many options available but I spoke with a few pioneers of autism who swore by discrete trial, ABA in the home intensive treatment.  I read the book Let Me Hear Your Voice and I was so moved and inspired by Catherine Maurice and what she did for her two children who were dx'd with autism and had very similar characteristics as my son.  I just couldn't wait to get the party started.  Little did I know, and I was soon about to realize that NOTHING is quick in the arena of early intervention.  Now I know this seems like a paradox.  Children need early intervention they need to catch things early and get moving in order to change the patterns of the brain that have not yet been fully developed , but we needed to make an appointment for an intake, we needed the formal diagnosis, we needed to rule out Laundau Kleffner Syndrome with a cat scan and rule out hearing problems with an audiologist (  a complete disaster and if I ever see that son-of-a-bitch of an audiologist Dr.  Baras who treated my son and I like second class citizens,  I swear I will spit in his face)  All of this took so long and I was reading books and trying to do the therapy on my own, I was out spending hundreds of dollars on the best puzzles and stimulating toys.  My whole relationship with my son changed and turned into therapy, I thought I was doing the right thing.  My beloved grandmother who has long since passed on used to get so upset with the way Zach's whole carefree life totally changed.  In her words "I  love his sweet little ways, why are you trying to change him?"  This broke my heart but I was in this for the fight.  Oh what a fight it has been.  Now the subject of the prick audiologist brings up another important issue that I feel needs to be discussed.  When my son was first dx'd I felt as though I was this poor soul who had to  put up with rudeness and ignorance from the medical community.  I felt like these people were doing me a favor by seeing my son with autism and I should be so grateful and let them walk all over me.  Oh I cringe when I think about those days, I was at their mercy and so vulnerable.  I put up with a lot of bull shit, especially from the school system but that is a whole different entry.  I walked around apologizing for everything, and feeling like shit when my son would not cooperate with a hearing test ( now that I think of it, not many three year olds are too cooperative, but I was made to feel different and that I NEEDED to assist the Dr in this monumental task and he was doing me a FAVOR by providing a service for my son.  OOOOHHHHH when I think back now of the things I put up with back then I can't even believe I was the same person.  Don't get me wrong, many many people were very nice but some were just plain RUDE and man would I love to give them a piece of my mind NOW!