A phone call I wasn't expecting

This morning I am sitting here going through my emails and trying to figure out how to post separate pictures on each of my different blogs and the phone begins to ring and I look to see that it is Zach's school.  I automatically think that he is sick or something, so I answer the call expecting to need to get up and get myself together and go pick him up.  As a side note, when I was working, I got the calls all the time, that he was sick and needed to be picked up.  Since I have stopped working, I have YET to get a call like that.  I think the reason is that I get to keep him home now, when it is questionable whether he doesn't feel good.  Since he doesn't talk and is very routine regimented, he makes an attempt every morning to get up and go.  When I was a working mom and I felt Zach needed to stay home it was such an ordeal.  I would have to make sure he really didn't feel well. then I would have to call my parents to see if they were available to watch him, if I couldn't reach them, I would have to make the decision, if I were keeping him home, I had to call my boss, the school and the driver to cancel. I would then have to make sure that if I had any appointments, I would have to call a co-worker to ask them to find the numbers and call the appointments etc etc, it was a very stressful thing.  I know all working moms have this dilemma  when their children are sick, but as I have mentioned before, usually there comes a time when a child is old enough to stay home alone and take care of themselves. I never had that option, so I was probably guilty of sending him to school sometimes when he should have stayed home.  Anyway.... ( wow did I get off topic) I answer the call and it was from the director of education from Zach's school.  For those of you that don't know, Zach goes to a private school for Autistic and Emotional Support funded by his home district which is Wyoming Valley West.  She informed me that the Wyoming Valley West district called her and asked her to call me to see if I wanted him to participate with the highs school seniors and receive a diploma at the 2012 June graduating ceremony.  I cannot explain why but it hit me like a punch in the stomach.  I know by law they had to offer me that opportunity for him, but the thought of him in the middle of a huge stadium with hundreds of kids he does not know, getting a diploma from a school he has never attended just seemed so ridiculous and it hit me right where it hurts in the heart.  I hung up the phone and started to cry my eyes out.  Usually I do very well and I have accepted and embraced Zach's autism, but when milestones such as birthdays and senior year come up, I just can't help but wonder who he might have been.  Would he have been a good student, a good driver?  Would he have been popular and had a girlfriend?  I wonder what kind of job he would have and where his interests would take him as far as picking a college and a major.  It was so unexpected and so jarring. Sometimes I am innocently sitting here doing my thing and out of the blue BAM!  I get hit with a realization that this is not a dream and that this is my life.  As much as I love it and him, there will always be that little part of me who wonders who he would have been.  I guess that's normal.  It just set the stage and I can see this becoming a very emotional day.  I had big plans to clean the bathroom today, but I think I am going to just sit this one out. The dust bunnies in the bathroom will certainly be there tomorrow.  The old me would have plunged into the bathroom and used it as an excuse to distract myself from the heartache I just endured.  The new me is going to sit here and allow all of the feelings to come up in order to come out.  I am grateful for my incredible son, he is awesome and the love of my life, but WOW  that phone call really threw me for a loop.